literature

Victim of a John Doe

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Oilux's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

Do you want to hear the story
of how I died?
I promise it won't be boring
so if you would
just take a seat, have a drink
and listen.

Past memories reach,
I met the most amazing man
who spun words of silver and gold
with a tongue more fine than silk.

He told me he could do no wrong
and I, young and foolish, believed him.

And when we went home,
his eyes shining with new excitement,
things were perfect.

Then it shattered.

Nothing more intense
than feeling my own blood
trickle down my body.

Cruciation
stares traveling down
blood spattered knife
a gaping wound

cries of shock
gleaming white smile
solid drops of blood
and fading light.

I knew him for one night
he disappeared the next.

To this day I am simply known
as the victim of a John Doe.
100 Theme Challenge #49: Insanity.





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Comments43
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bloo180's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

The simplicity makes the entirety of this heart breaking, yet mysterious. The introduction could use a little more "grab" to draw readers in or spring curiosity. But I do have to say, the very first line did appeal to me and made me want to read more. It may not pull every reader in like it did for me, but keep in mind that you want to try to lure in all kinds of readers. Otherwise, word choice and imagery used is astounding for how short this tale is. It leaves you wondering who this poor slaughtered lover was. I'd like to read more. Fantastically written.