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Submitted on
August 18, 2012
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Do you want to hear the story
of how I died?
I promise it won't be boring
so if you would
just take a seat, have a drink
and listen.

Past memories reach,
I met the most amazing man
who spun words of silver and gold
with a tongue more fine than silk.

He told me he could do no wrong
and I, young and foolish, believed him.

And when we went home,
his eyes shining with new excitement,
things were perfect.

Then it shattered.

Nothing more intense
than feeling my own blood
trickle down my body.

Cruciation
stares traveling down
blood spattered knife
a gaping wound

cries of shock
gleaming white smile
solid drops of blood
and fading light.

I knew him for one night
he disappeared the next.

To this day I am simply known
as the victim of a John Doe.
100 Theme Challenge #49: Insanity.





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:iconbloo180:
The simplicity makes the entirety of this heart breaking, yet mysterious. The introduction could use a little more "grab" to draw readers in or spring curiosity. But I do have to say, the very first line did appeal to me and made me want to read more. It may not pull every reader in like it did for me, but keep in mind that you want to try to lure in all kinds of readers. Otherwise, word choice and imagery used is astounding for how short this tale is. It leaves you wondering who this poor slaughtered lover was. I'd like to read more. Fantastically written.
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:icondomosushiluver:
DomoSushiLuver Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012
wow that's really good and scary please tell that's not a true story because is horrible and sad
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:iconkalikawolflover:
Kalikawolflover Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The wording on it is great and to the point. It really captures the emotions of such an event, and it reminds the reader to beware of strangers. At the same time the outcome is tragic and makes the reader feel bad for the victim. Very nice work.
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:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much.
Reply
:iconkalikawolflover:
Kalikawolflover Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome :)
Reply
:iconcheapgrotesqueries:
CheapGrotesqueries Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, wow. Just the imagery I got from this was pretty intense. Going home with a stranger to be murdered is such a scary thing because it can seem so sudden and out of the blue, and you've captured this so well with a victim who was none-the-wiser and a killer who seems like he left no trace to connect him to the crime whatsoever. It makes the reader feel scared and sad.

Awesome poem overall c: This is definitely going into my favorites!
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:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2012  Student Writer
I feel so honored. This is one of my ore favorite pieces that I've written, and I'm just so happy that you enjoy it as well.
Reply
:iconpollyzoom:
pollyzoom Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
now that is viloent
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2012  Student Writer
Ya it is pretty violent isn't it?
Reply
:iconvampireloveyou:
VampireLoveYou Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2012
Brilliant! love it! :heart:
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