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Through a gap in the fence
they saw each other.

Drawings on the walls
for messages of love.

Images don't matter anymore
as words are the only thing
that can travel
through that gap in the fence.

Whispers of love
and no one else cares.

Still they have not seen each other
through the small gap in the fence,

But of course
all good things must end.

The gap was closed
and their love was lost.

As time erases
their love was lost
and the lovers who met
through a gap in the fence
never got to whisper
their sweet nothings to each other
through a gap in the fence again.
For :iconbeautyinthepages:'s 'lost love' contest.

Featured here:
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Like my poetry? Then like my facebook page!
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:iconhorsejmp:
I love how I can visualize everything you are saying. How the reader can perfectly imagine everything going on between them. The originality is pretty creative, but I can't say I have never seen anything like this before. Your technique, pretty main frame, see around the block kind of thing. Impact, was amazing, you can imagine how they feel and maybe sometimes even relate onto what is happening. Over all I think this is a great little read, that just about anyone would enjoy in there free time. Its cute, adorable and I wish you luck in your contest your entering it in. -Peyton
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

:icongerralore:
This is a beautiful poem, which I find distinguishes itself not only through the fluidity with which it enters the mind(to the point where the fact that it's a free-verse poem ceases to block reading in any way, which is quite often the case), but also the image it evokes: two lovers whose feelings for each other are based on everything but appearance.

The message sent, after this, is a bittersweet one: true love doesn't take appearance into account, but rather is based on communication and honesty(and it's easier to be honest when you're unseen). It can, however, be lost, and while looks don't need to figure into this sentiment, physical closeness(as in a caress, an embrace, or even eye contact) can be what makes it last.

In conclusion, I have nothing to object to this wonderful work of art. The impact and the image it evokes feel like a dream that is starting to fade from my memory, but remains as strong as ever.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconcurlygurly222:
Curlygurly222 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The story in this poem is very moving:) I love this!
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Student Writer
Omg really? Thank you!
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2012
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconneko-chan199:
Neko-Chan199 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Why did it have to end this way???!!!:iconyoyocryplz:
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Student Writer
I don't know! It just had to. :cry:
Reply
:iconneko-chan199:
Neko-Chan199 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
....I thought it would with the 2 love birds knocking down the fence and being together for all their life.....:tears:
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Student Writer
Awww no sorry. Don't cry. :hug:
Reply
:iconneko-chan199:
Neko-Chan199 Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sniff I'm okay...
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012  Student Writer
Yay!
Reply
:iconneko-chan199:
Neko-Chan199 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
YYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!:iconcrazyitachiplz:
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Student Writer
That's the creepiest icon ever.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconjmjack156:
jmjack156 Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012
do you guys submit your writing to journal?
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Student Writer
No, it's like when you submit a regular deviation, except when you click upload file, you click add text instead.
Reply
:icontim0thytham:
tim0thytham Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Very touched! Haha! Similar thing experienced here recently, maybe that's why this seems so powerful! A venomous antitode indeed. The pain eventually gone like an antitode but the lost of love is a dirt venom! ^^ keep it up, love it and watched ^^
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :hug:
Reply
:icontim0thytham:
tim0thytham Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's really beautiful! I mean yea, when you experience such things in life (Especially so recently) everything seems deeper and more meaningful! A watch you! ^^
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:icontim0thytham:
tim0thytham Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
^^
Reply
:iconarachan0151:
Arachan0151 Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012
Pyramus and Thisbe? Lol...nice poem.
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Student Writer
Lol you got it exactly.
Reply
:iconkohakurose:
KohakuRose Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012
I thought of them while reading this as well. xD
Reply
:iconhowlsatthefullmoon:
HowlsAtTheFullMoon Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Oh! I so cried! this is beautiful
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconramenryu:
Ramenryu Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
((First of all your icon...YES IGGY~)) it was very beatiful
Reply
:iconhowlsatthefullmoon:
HowlsAtTheFullMoon Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Thnx! (love the italy curl btw) And it inspired me to write my own poem
Reply
:iconramenryu:
Ramenryu Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
((:iconnorwayderpplz: gotta love dat curl XDthanks)) hmm, i'll have to read it now >:3
Reply
:iconhowlsatthefullmoon:
HowlsAtTheFullMoon Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
[link]
There you go!
Reply
:iconramenryu:
Ramenryu Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
LOVED IT :iconimcryingsomuchplz:
Reply
:iconbleedthedream180:
BleedTheDream180 Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like it. I can imagine the whole scene taking place. Very beautiful imagery and story in a moving, sad way. Triggered emotions reading it. .
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much.
Reply
:iconbleedthedream180:
BleedTheDream180 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012  Student Writer
This poem is tragically beautiful... I like your choices of word, and the flow is good. Excellent work! :D
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconsolongishere:
SoLongIsHere Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
This is very beautiful and sad. Well done :)
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
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