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:iconoilux: More from Oilux

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Submitted on
September 13, 2012
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835 bytes


2,955 (1 today)
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Through a gap in the fence
they saw each other.

Drawings on the walls
for messages of love.

Images don't matter anymore
as words are the only thing
that can travel
through that gap in the fence.

Whispers of love
and no one else cares.

Still they have not seen each other
through the small gap in the fence,

But of course
all good things must end.

The gap was closed
and their love was lost.

As time erases
their love was lost
and the lovers who met
through a gap in the fence
never got to whisper
their sweet nothings to each other
through a gap in the fence again.
For :iconbeautyinthepages:'s 'lost love' contest.

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I love how I can visualize everything you are saying. How the reader can perfectly imagine everything going on between them. The originality is pretty creative, but I can't say I have never seen anything like this before. Your technique, pretty main frame, see around the block kind of thing. Impact, was amazing, you can imagine how they feel and maybe sometimes even relate onto what is happening. Over all I think this is a great little read, that just about anyone would enjoy in there free time. Its cute, adorable and I wish you luck in your contest your entering it in. -Peyton
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

This is a beautiful poem, which I find distinguishes itself not only through the fluidity with which it enters the mind(to the point where the fact that it's a free-verse poem ceases to block reading in any way, which is quite often the case), but also the image it evokes: two lovers whose feelings for each other are based on everything but appearance.

The message sent, after this, is a bittersweet one: true love doesn't take appearance into account, but rather is based on communication and honesty(and it's easier to be honest when you're unseen). It can, however, be lost, and while looks don't need to figure into this sentiment, physical closeness(as in a caress, an embrace, or even eye contact) can be what makes it last.

In conclusion, I have nothing to object to this wonderful work of art. The impact and the image it evokes feel like a dream that is starting to fade from my memory, but remains as strong as ever.
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

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Curlygurly222 Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The story in this poem is very moving:) I love this!
Oilux Dec 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much!
dreamsinstatic Sep 14, 2012  Professional Writer
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
Oilux Sep 14, 2012  Student Writer
Omg really? Thank you!
dreamsinstatic Sep 15, 2012  Professional Writer
You're welcome.
Neko-Chan199 Sep 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Why did it have to end this way???!!!:iconyoyocryplz:
Oilux Sep 14, 2012  Student Writer
I don't know! It just had to. :cry:
Neko-Chan199 Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
....I thought it would with the 2 love birds knocking down the fence and being together for all their life.....:tears:
Oilux Sep 16, 2012  Student Writer
Awww no sorry. Don't cry. :hug:
Neko-Chan199 Sep 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Sniff I'm okay...
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