Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
I once met a girl named Anne
and what a lovely girl was she.
She sat in corners and talked
and talked when no one listened.

While lovely Anne was so lovely
no one went near lovely Anne
and her never-ending talking.

Lovely Anne with black hair
and dark skin. Never listened
to the voice of society.

Lovely Anne talked of a world
so unlike our own.
No one went near her,
but everyone listened
to the thoughts of a wonderful world.

Lovely Anne lived in a world
where the clocks struck thirteen
where everyone loved
where everyone smiled
and tears were never shed.

The walls and floors
objects and papers
that she talked to day and night
held to her words
and wished for her world.

Poor Lovely Anne had no friends.
But lived in a world that was entirely her own.
Lovely Anne who never left her world
and thought reality was imaginary.
I'm not crazy, my reality's just different from yours.

Written for #Heart-of-Poetry's prompt of reality.


Like my writing? Then like my facebook page!
[link]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconotakuartist332:
Critique by otakuartist332 Aug 5, 2012, 8:33:44 PM
Very lovely poem especially if it was about a person who is lonely and lovely. I think it was very creative, and the gloominess suited the poem. Visually, i can imagine how Anne suffered a lot by being ignored, and talking on her own. I can see who Anne looks like. I think it was very original...i don't think anyone else but you can write a great poem that has so much expression and a lot of visual. I think there was a lot of impact on Anne, and how much empathy you have for her (or sympathy for her). I think this a sad, but awesome poem!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconrouge-fox:
I would first of all like to say this is a beautiful piece but I find it beautiful for two reasons. Firstly it is quite a sweet tale, something I'd imagine to be told by a child as there is a clear air of innocence. Secondly I like the rather nice twist of perception and how it challenges our own. We could easily say that this is a tale of a sweet little girl who couldn't take the harsh and unfair ways of reality so she simply shut it out and went to live in her own fantasy world because it's the only thing she could do. However what makes this quite innocent and sweet is that this is something we all have done, when we were young we often went into our own fantasy world when reality became too much. What right have we then to say lovely Anne is crazy? She's not, she's lovely and sweet just like this poem.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconwishfully-yours:
wishfully-yours Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Great job on creating a good picture of Anne in a limited amount of words. This piece left me feeling more inspired than I was a few moments ago, not to mention it was pleasant and quick to read . =)
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Writer
Oh my thank you so much for the wonderful comment. :blush:
Reply
:iconknittywitty:
knittywitty Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
The tone sounds like a serial killer, which gives it an entirely different feel. I like it!
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Student Writer
Oh wow thank you!
Reply
:iconxxbellabrexx:
xxbellabrexx Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Student General Artist
Very vivid, I could definitely formulate a picture of Anne. I love your word choice and your pacing was flawless. Great work (:
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much! That means so much to me.
Reply
:icondomosushiluver:
DomoSushiLuver Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012
wow that's really amazing oh my god that is the most fantastic thing ever you go!!! :D
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Student Writer
Lol thanks!
Reply
:icondomosushiluver:
DomoSushiLuver Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012
no prob
Reply
:iconcarlangas531:
carlangas531 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student General Artist
everybody has is own world
reality or not they live ther!!
everybody is a litted insane.
don't be shalfish and write something that conect the litted insane world of everybody...
i'm sorry if my english is bad , but i'm from venezuela.
:ashamed:
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
I understand what you are saying. If you are calling me selfish though, I was simply writing about a girl who had gone through so much pain and loneliness that she created a different world from ours.
Reply
:iconcarlangas531:
carlangas531 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Student General Artist
i understand too, and i agree. but i'm just saying everybody can be that girl.
i'm a telling you this because i learn it at the bad way.
the poem was good you express you'r idea with good words but i don't agree whit you in the fact you are only talking about the girl when "everybody" can be call annie.
i repeat everybody live in is own world.
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Student Writer
Ah yes I understand what you mean, but I wanted to be more specific than everyone, so I created a girl to represent everyone.
Reply
:iconcarlangas531:
carlangas531 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Student General Artist
just keep do in it!!
is a fine poem.
i only want to express my opinion
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Student Writer
Alright thanks!
Reply
:icontheshadows18:
theshadows18 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012
my names Anne >.< and i simply love this :)
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
Awesome! I love the name Anne, I hope you don't mind me using it.
Reply
:icontheshadows18:
theshadows18 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012
No I don't mind you use it so wonderfully, I absolutely love it I really do:)
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:icontheshadows18:
theshadows18 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012
welcome :)
Reply
:iconsilentangelawaits:
silentangelawaits Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Artist
love it! :D
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconsilentangelawaits:
silentangelawaits Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012  Student Artist
npz :D
Reply
:iconbekahfeelsloved:
BekahFeelsLoved Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I liked it a lot :D
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
Yay! :)
Reply
:iconamebr:
Amebr Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012
Amazingly done!
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconsumgie1:
sumgie1 Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012
It seems a bit sad but sweet. :)
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
That's just what I was going for.
Reply
:iconsumgie1:
sumgie1 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012
Yay. :)
Reply
:iconjustabatmangleek:
justabatmangleek Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012
Wow.....brilliant work!!
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconmaryloucaribou:
maryloucaribou Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012
Very nice! A topsy-turvy narrative that doesn't stray from the subject. The rhythm and word choice is very good and flows well.
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks! I've never heard of my narrative described as 'topy-turvy' but now that I look at it I totally see it.
Reply
:iconcaptainmustachio:
CaptainMustachio Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
There was 30 new writing pieces from the group "Amateur Writing" I looked through them all. Yours was the one that stood out. Fantastic work =)!
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
Wow really? I feel so special!
Reply
:iconcaptainmustachio:
CaptainMustachio Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
c:
Reply
:iconlucifenia:
Lucifenia Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
What an absolutely lovely poem! It has such lovely imagery and descriptions. ♥
I'll admit, I was rather confused at first, but I think the last stanza explained her story well. Wonderful job. c; ♥
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you! And I love your icon it's so cute!
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconoilux: More from Oilux


Featured in Collections

Word art by Arcane-Shadow-Razil

Words, Words by RedsoulTayki

Writing by SecretlyFading


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
August 4, 2012
File Size
1.1 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
3,468
Favourites
107 (who?)
Comments
40
×