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A note in a bottle,
a message for the world.

'If I scream as loud as I could,
would you be able to hear me?


Thrown into the ocean
for the sea to swallow
the single sentence.

As the sea swallows its prize
she lets out a horrible hollow cry
for the world to hear.

The world does nothing
but capture her scream
and store it for later
when it asks why she cries
and why she hurts.

For if she screams as loud as she could
would the world listen?

Or is it just a message in a bottle
meant to be swallowed by the sea?
Like my poetry? Then please like my facebook page!
[link]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconneko-chan199:
Neko-Chan199 Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Nice work!!
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconneko-chan199:
Neko-Chan199 Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No prob!
Reply
:iconbullcross:
Bullcross Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
By what I see, it lacks the rhythm. Kinda hard to swallow, really. But the idea and the potential of the imagery is Godlike.
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you. I will try to work on it as much as I can to be better in the future.
Reply
:iconchaos1976:
chaos1976 Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Like the poem, but if you DO hear the world's screams....shouldn't the message in the bottle say "stop littering"? Or maybe "please recycle"?!
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Lmao omg I didn't even think of that.
Reply
:iconaifos96:
Aifos96 Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like it, I like the structure and I like the message, nice :)
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconaifos96:
Aifos96 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Np :)
Reply
:iconsayafantasy97:
SayaFantasy97 Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I really enjoyed this, beautiful words
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconsayafantasy97:
SayaFantasy97 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Your welcome
Reply
:iconstellathecat12:
StellaTheCat12 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Student General Artist
I love this, great work!
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconstellathecat12:
StellaTheCat12 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Student General Artist
No problem! :)
Reply
:iconsumarlegur:
sumarlegur Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Eh.
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Eh to you as well then.
Reply
:iconneonfreeon:
neonfreeon Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
What do you mean "eh"? It's brilliant!
What did you not like about it?
Reply
:iconsumarlegur:
sumarlegur Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It's only brilliant if you're not used to good poetry and think this is as far as it goes. This is riddled with overused imagery and clichés, and leaves very little to the imagination, very little to make the reader go "oh wow" and lead him/her through wonder.
Reply
:iconneonfreeon:
neonfreeon Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Hmm... Okay..
Cool.
Good point.
Reply
:iconchibisweets:
ChibiSweets Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
Amazing.
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconchibisweets:
ChibiSweets Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
np!! ^^
Reply
:icondeath-emporium:
Death-Emporium Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I forgot my bottle opener ,damn .....great work btw
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Don't worry, you can just break the bottle.
Reply
:icondeath-emporium:
Death-Emporium Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Smart, I'll do that ^_^
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Student Writer
Be careful not to cut yourself.
Reply
:icondeath-emporium:
Death-Emporium Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Will do
Reply
:iconhhheeeyyy:
HHHEEEYYY Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
So much impact in such a short piece.Lovely. :)
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you darling!
Reply
:iconaladasian:
aladasian Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
Wow... Pretty much sums up my feelings about the world, she screams but no one listens.
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
A lot of people feel that way.
Reply
:iconamiga-32:
amiga-32 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
Nice work
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconamiga-32:
amiga-32 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
your welcome
Reply
:iconromancefreak:
RomanceFreak Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Beautiful. I love poetry like this.
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconromancefreak:
RomanceFreak Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're very welcome. :)
Reply
:icondai-an:
Dai-an Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I love this so much. <3
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:icontayla19:
Tayla19 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
stunning <3
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Oh my thank you so much!
Reply
:icontayla19:
Tayla19 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
no problems! =D
Reply
:iconveji-chan:
Veji-chan Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Student Writer
Are you by chance a fan of Sting?
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Actually yes, but I haven't listened to them in forever.
Reply
:iconveji-chan:
Veji-chan Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Student Writer
Well, it just reminded me of that song of theirs, SOS To The World, or something like that.
Reply
:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Student Writer
Wow I just listened to it right now. It's a great song.
Reply
:iconbadgercheese1994:
Badgercheese1994 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Student General Artist
I'll send an SOS to you.
Reply
:iconcrystaltearz55:
CrystalTearz55 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful
Reply
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