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Submitted on
January 16, 2013
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29 (who?)
Seems I no longer rule the world,
grains of life slipping through
the end of the time approaching  
power, unable to suppress it.

When the world needed a ruler
they turned to me and shouted 'him!'
but there was no surcease of wars
and the famine stayed in place.

And during disease and death
the people turned and said
'he was meant to cure us!'
though king I never was true.

They strung me up
and gathered the tolls
dragged me through the nation
with screams of blood on their lips.

Though I begged
my crimes bared too much sin
for when it came to society
I didn't save the world.

The floor caved in,
the rope grew taught,
my struggles heard around
till the silence reigned down.

But then the pointed
and screamed 'he will lead'
at the man who took my life
and I was left on the gallows alone.

For I no longer rule the world
and the dirt eats up my soul
the grains of time and age
make for one grievous grave.
So this was inspired by this song: [link] Seriously it is a great song please go and listen to it.

Update: Things changed and stanza's made clearer.
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wdnest Jan 26, 2013  Professional Writer
Thanks for the poem. I listened to the song, but I am not a fan of the music. I preferred your poem.
Although I don't like to read a lot but this didn't make me bored! I really liked it! Great job
Oilux Jan 17, 2013  Student Writer
Aww thank you!
I'd like to highlight the things I loved about this poem, as well as the aspects of it which I did not. Allow me to preface everything I am about to say with this: A review of any work of art, regardless of the medium used, is subjective in nature, and therefore, though I will strive for objectivity, I will ultimately only be expressing my opinion on this piece.
Now that we've got that cleared up, allow me to begin.

There exists within this poem, a total of eight stanzas. Of these, only one manages to remain consistent to the theme/atmosphere established via the predominant linguistic structure in the individual stanzas, which is archaic in nature (Though most words used within the poem are not archaic, the syntax, however, is.). I speak of the last stanza, which I happened to like; please don't change it ;).

Allow me to illustrate the inconsistencies of the linguistic structure. I will use the signs, [], to indicate the lines which I believe could be improved upon:

Seems I no longer rule the world,
grains of life slipping through
1[the end of the time coming closer]
2[not even power able to hold it back.]

The words "coming closer", are simply too mundane for this context. A reasonable alternative would have been the word "approaching", which also flows more naturally in speech

2-Conciseness is also essential in this format. simply saying "Power, unable to suppress it" would have sufficed.

To emphasize the point I will do the same with another stanza:

When the world needed a ruler
they turned to me and shouted 'him!'
1[but then the wars didn't end]
and the famine stayed in place.

1- "But there was no surcease of wars" perhaps would work better here (the use of the word 'then' is, I believe, unbefitting in an especial manner).

These recur throughout each stanza, and are my main quarrel with the poem. Overall a wonderful job, though!
Oilux Jan 16, 2013  Student Writer
Oh my gosh thank you so much for this amazing feedback! I want you here for every single poem I write. I see exactly what you mean, I'm starting to fix my changes right away. I'm happy that you like my last stanza, it was the one I worked the hardest on.
No prob ;). Though I can't do this for every single poem you write (high school is some tough sh#t, and I get plethoric amounts of homework), I can invest the time to critique your work every once in a while, if that is what you wish.
Oilux Jan 17, 2013  Student Writer
Yes please! That would be great if you could do that
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